Monday, May 23, 2016

Where I've been Lately

For some bizarre reason, I still have the Facebook page associated with this blog and over the past couple days, I've received a ton of notifications of new likes and view, so I thought I should probably post something.

For those of you new here - welcome.  For those of you who have managed to stick around - thanks.  In case you didn't notice, I've taken a bit of a break from blogging.  By my calculations (or that thingy on the side), I've posted 5 times in 2016 - 6 if you count this one.  I really haven't felt like I've had anything to say.  At least nothing positive.  When I've blogged in the past and voiced my frustrations or disappointment in myself, I've gotten slammed, so I decided it was best not to say anything.

Here's where I've been lately....

I started this blog almost 7 years ago, on June 23, 2009, as a weight loss blog.  I weighed in that day at 165.8.  Guess what I weighed this morning?  166.8.  In the past 7 years, I managed to get down to a pretty happy weight around 140.  I became a runner and completed a shit ton of races - including 2 marathons and 2 sprint triathlons.  But...
I'm now heavier than I was in 2009 and my running is pretty much in the toilet due to injuries and being fat.  I screwed up my shoulder and now I can't really lift or swim without that hurting too. I can't run without pain and my pace is closer to a 13 minute mile than the 10s and even 9s I'd worked myself down to.  I know a bunch of people are going to say that it doesn't matter.  That what matters is that I'm still out there.  Forward is better than nothing.  Some would give anything to be 167 pounds and run a 13 minute mile.  Blah blah blah.  Sorry, folks.  It matters to me and all I see is failure.  I worked really hard to lose 25+ pounds and become a sub-10 min mile runner.  Now I'm back where I started - or worse.

On a related note, I'm supposed to go to the Fitbloggin' conference in Indianapolis in July.  I was so excited when they chose a city in the Midwest.  Finally, I could attend without needing a plane ticket. I'd get to see my friends, but do I really want to be seen 25 pounds heavier than the last time I went to Fitbloggin? To still call myself a fitness blogger? Definitely not. I've paid my registration but I can't afford to stay on site.  Room plus parking (because I'd have a car) is over $200 a night.  Sure, I could room with someone to cut part of the room rate down, but that doesn't fix the extra $200 I'll have to pay to leave my car there.  $40 a day for a car??? I could stay at a Motel 6 for that - only not in Downtown Indy because everything is HELLA expensive.  I booked a room about 1/2 a mile away for a little less money and free parking, but to stay off-site means I lose out on a lot the conference has to offer.  I don't think it's worth the $500+ it will cost for me to attend when I could spend the same to go visit my daughter in Florida sometime during the winter when I'm really hating being in Michigan.  Sorry guys, but I'm 90% sure I'm staying home in July.  If anyone wants to drive 4.5 hours north after the conference ends and experience Beer City, USA and some gorgeous Lake Michigan beaches, let me know.

So there you have it...I haven't been blogging because there's really nothing good to say.  I'm feeling sorry for myself and whenever I voice that - either here or on Facebook or wherever - I get a bunch of shit about how I should love myself and accept where I am right now and all that other bullshit.  I really don't want to hear any of that so please just don't.  Not sure when I'll post again.  It could be tomorrow or it might be 6 months from now.  Either way, if you are just finding this space, I'm sorry that it's probably not what you were looking for.