Weigh-In Wednesday: this sh*t is hard

For the past 5 weeks or so, I've been following Weight Watchers, going to the meetings, and trying to up my workout game.  It worked for awhile.  You can't even see the starting weight but from highest to lowest it was 11.8 pounds.  Before I started to screw up.

This is after my weigh-in on Saturday at WW (yes, I covered the weights because I hate the numbers).  I gained .6 pounds last week and I weigh in at home on Wednesdays so I know I'm up another pound from here.  It pisses me off because no matter how perfect I am in the next 3 days, I will not be able to show a loss.  What's the point of going if you are going to show you failed?  For 2 weeks in a row.

This worked for about 4 weeks.  Then I started sabotaging myself by going into the teacher's lounge, eating treats, and being frustrated by the changes to the points system this past week.  Before I felt like I could go out, have a beer, eat a cookie, etc because I had enough flex points each week to do that.  Now? Not even close.  It's stupid because for the first 4 weeks, I was allowed 26 points and only one week did I go into the 49 flex points.  Now I get 30 points and every day I'm into the flex points and I'm gaining weight.

It makes me want to give up because it's too hard.  It's hard being around all the tempting holiday treats and it's hard to re-figure everything I was eating before.  Obviously, the first 4 weeks I did fantastic, losing almost 12 pounds.  Now the scale is going back up again.  I feel like I've blown 4 weeks of hard work.  I can't even eat the exact same meals as I did the past 4 weeks because the point values changed on some of them.  My "allowed" points only went up by 4 a day but my weekly flex points dropped from 49 to 28.  That's almost cut in half.  I'm now being penalized because I don't want to use fake shit - like margarine, gross fat free dressings, fake cheese, or "diet" bread.  Before the values of the foods I was eating were low enough that I could still stay within my points and I had enough flex points to put a little real butter on my decent tasting piece of toast in the morning if I wanted to but now I can't do that. My breakfast jumped from 9 points to 12 because of the changes.  My lunch went up too because my salad dressing changed. Today I used a tiny but of jam instead of butter but it wasn't the same.  I've also cut myself from 2 eggs to 1 egg plus those liquid egg white things to go from 4 points down to 2.  One day for breakfast I did just yogurt and fruit and I was starving by 11:00.  I don't know what to eat anymore.

I really don't know if I'm going to stick with this.  Someone in a FB group I belong to suggested I go back to using the Points+ tracking but since I track 100% through the app, I can't even do that because everything in the app is converted to Smart Points.  If I have to carry a paper tracker around with me and all the books, I know I won't track a single thing.  Another thing that's flawed with that suggestions.  What's the point of paying for all the e-tools if you can't even use them?

So yes, I've made progress since I decided to get back on track but the past week I feel like I've done nothing but screw up.  Someone even noticed last night that I looked thinner when I feel like it doesn't show at all.  That's cool but it's hard to be happy knowing it isn't going to last.  Sadly, I feel like I'm going to end up right back where I started because I can't seem to figure this out and I'm too much of a failure to have the self control to stay out of the lounge and away from the treats.

Three Things Thursday: Thankful Edition

Short and sweet because I only have a few minutes:

1.  I'm thankful for friends who send awesome surprise packages my way.  My friend and fellow Michigan BAMR Betsy saw something at Disney when she was there for Wine and Dine and thought of me (how incredible sweet is that?).  She said she'd send it to me and then yesterday a whole package of awesome stuff showed up at my door!  She sent me this little Disney trinket (which will be very loved by someone SHHH it's a gift) but also included some cool makeup and a bunch of Picky Bars!  Betsy is definitely one of a kind and I love that she did this.  It made my night when I was otherwise not having a great evening.

2.  I'm thankful for PT.  Yesterday I ran 3 nearly pain-free miles on the TM before my PT session and then Terence cut me loose!  I'm not officially cleared to train for the DONNA :)  I'm planning a 4 mile run for Saturday morning - wish me luck!

3.  I'm thankful for dear friends who invited me out for a girls' night tonight.  We are going to the Uptown Holiday Shop Hop - a walking/trolly/shopping extravaganza.  If you are local to Grand Rapids, MI, you should definitely check it out.  I've never gone so I'm excited to see what it's all about. Let's just hope I don't blow 4 weeks of Weight Watchers in one night because I also hear there are snacks and boozy specials.  The best part will be hanging with Jenn, Andi and Susan.

What are you thankful for today?

Weight Loss Over The Holidays?

How many of you saw some version of this image pop up in your FB or Twitter feeds over the past week?

How about we just focus on healthy eating and making good choices?  You know, it is possible to experience weight loss over the holidays.  I'm not saying it will be easy but it IS possible.

How do I know?  I lost 1.2 pounds last week, weighing in the Saturday after Thanksgiving and the day after I was out of town and eating every meal out.  I think if I hadn't been stuck eating fast food (hello, sodium), the loss may have been even better.

Last week I wrote about how success breeds motivation and that's definitely the case now.  I want to keep seeing those numbers drop and don't plan to blow it between now and New Years.  I mean, seriously, how awesome would it be to be back in the 140s by New Years Day and then maybe even the 130s by Valentines?  I only need 5 more pounds gone to make that first goal happen.

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and if Black Friday shopping was your thing that you got some great deals.

Motivation Monday: progress IS motivating

First off - a little bit of business to take care of!  Thank you to everyone who entered my JournalMenu giveaway last week.  I love being the bearer of good news so CONGRATULATIONS to Kay Lynn A! I hope you love your workout journal!

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming....

I don't think I've talked much about my decision to re-join Weight Watchers - at least not here on this blog probably because I rarely blog anymore.  Long story short, I got very fed up at my clothes not fitting and the awful numbers I was seeing on the scale and measuring tape.  I've tried going it on my own and it really wasn't working.  On November 7th, I hung my head in shame and walked into a Weight Watchers meeting and handed them my Visa card.  Admitting I'd gained about 25 pounds over my "happy" weight was very defeating.  So was needing to pay for meetings again (I had thankfully acheived Lifetime status back in the early 90s so I will never have to pay a joining fee.) Hopefully, I thought, the structure of WW would get me back on track.

Turns out it has.  Move ahead 2 weeks and I'm down 9 pounds and some of my clothes are starting to fit better.  I think the leader was really shocked that I wasn't more excited about getting my 5% loss charm on Saturday or the big losses I posted in my first 2 weeks, but the bottom line is I still have so far to go that it's hard to celebrate yet.

As we go into the Thanksgiving week and knowing all the travel and meals that will be included, I'm just striving to continue forward progress this week.  I won't be perfect.  I know I will not be able to stay within 26 points a day when I'm eating out while out of town or going to my MIL's for 2nd Thanksgiving (her foods will most definitely NOT be WW compliant in any way shape or form).  As for the Thanksgiving dinner I'm making, I can have a bit more control there.  All I can do is my best.

Seeing results over the past two weeks has been very motivating for me.  I've even had a couple short runs that give me hope that my running ability may be returning.  Again, I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much because I don't want to be disappointed, but a little hope is better than none.

Are you staying close to home for Thanksgiving or traveling?  What are your best tips for dealing with events such as this while trying to reduce your calorie intake?

Motivation Monday: @journalmenu #giveaway

Sometimes motivation can come from the strangest places - maybe it's a quote on a friend's FB wall, maybe it's seeing some progress on the scale, and maybe it's someone reaching out to you about new gear that gets your butt in gear.

It's not much of a secret - the "run" aspect of my blog title and life has been pretty minimal lately thanks to some pesky, nagging injuries.  Luckily, that is beginning to change and thanks to the folks at JournalMenu, I have a great place to start logging my return to running.

What is JournalMenu?  JournalMenu is a personalized fitness journal designed to match your goals, your activities and your personality.  With the ability to create your own cover and journal contents, the journals are truly unique.  Whether you are into running, weightlifting, yoga, food tracking or (fill in your favorite activity here), the creators of JournalMenu will assist you in finding the journal that is best for you.

I am loving the journal Erica at JournalMenu put together for me.  With sections for goals, training plans, PRs and race recaps, plus weekly logs, it has everything I need to get back on track.  Lucky for one of my readers, JournalMenu wants to help one of you reach your goals through a personalize journal of your choice!  Take a look at the journals available here and let me know what you would choose! This would be a great gift for yourself or one of your favorite workout buddies.  Enter through Rafflecopter below for a chance to win $25 to spend at JournalMenu on the customized fitness journal of your choice.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

fine print: JournalMenu provided a journal to me at no cost.  The opinions, as always, are my own.  Contest will run from 11/16/15 to 11/22/16 with winner announced by 11/24/16.  Winner must provide a way for me to reach them to send the gift card code and if they do not respond by 11/26/15, another winner will be chosen.  Winner is responsible for any costs above the $25 gift card amount and I (LLRB) am not responsible for anything related to the prize once I give winner the gift code.  

I'm a bad blogger

Forgive me, readers (if I still have any), for I have sinned.  It's been nearly 6 weeks since I last posted. I'd like to say that life just got away from me but that's not really it.

I haven't posted because I haven't had anything to talk about.  At least not anything that you all would want to read about.  My life lately has been pretty boring. I did run a 5k during my alma mater's homecoming festivities at the beginning of October but since then it's just been PT exercises and no running. PT sucks, by the way, especially during marathon season and you are watching all your running friends tear it up at races all over the country. I am starting to like the TENS unit jolting me on a regular basis since I feel like that's the only exercise I get these days, but otherwise it seems like a colossal waste of time. The crap with the bands? Forget about it.

My PT wants me to run a test 5k this weekend and I'm hoping doing it in sunny Florida makes all the difference in the world.  I'll be down there to visit my girl for the weekend so even if the run goes crappy, the rest of the weekend will be great. If you are in the Tampa area and available on Thursday (10/29)around 7:30 I'll be at Bahama Breeze on N. Rocky Point for dinner & drinks. Come say "hi"!

What's happening in your life lately?

All Aboard!

Well, would you look at that.  I haven't posted here in over a month.  Do I even have any readers left? Here's a quick look at how the past 6 weeks or so have gone in case anyone out there is wondering:

• Moved 2 kids to college - one of them over 1200 miles away.  Thank God for FaceTime.
• Made multiple trips to closer child's college for football games (actually to watch him in the marching band).
• Blew all weight loss success from last year as reminded by yesterday's TimeHop.  The failure hasn't happened just in the last 6 weeks but more an accumulation over the past year with the summer being the nail in the coffin.  Last year yesterday, I got back into my favorite $100 jeans.  Yesterday I couldn't even get them up over my fat thighs and ass.  The number on the scale and the fat on my body is disgusting to me.  Yes, I know I should be kinder to myself but that isn't happening so long as I look and feel like I do.
• Started back to work and took on an intern (luckily it looks like she will be awesome).  The start of the school year always stresses me out.  More so this year with my house very empty.  I'm hoping getting back into a routine will help with the third bullet point there.
• Stopped running after my Labor Day Mackinac Bridge Run.  This was probably one of my slowest paced "runs" ever and barely even qualified as a run since I averaged just under a 12 minute mile pace.  (If you are this pace or slower, this is not a dig toward you - I can walk very fast so to "run" practically my walk pace is really frustrating, particularly when I should be able to average a 10 m/m pace most days.)  I'm hurt.  Injuries suck ass, especially when you really need the sweat therapy.  I haven't gone back to the podiatrist because I really don't think he would say anything other than, "you need a new pair of $500 orthotics".

There you have it.  I'm ready to get off the struggle bus and I've been logging my food and exercise old school style.  Sorta.  It's in a Google Doc.  I decided MFP also stressed me out because if I ate anything I didn't prepare, I couldn't log it correctly and the perfectionist in me thinks if I can't do something right then I shouldn't do it at all.  At least just writing stuff down is better than nothing.