Fit + Blogging = #fitbloggin

So, there's this really amazing blogging conference that's I've had the pleasure of attending a couple times - Savannah in 2014 and Baltimore in 2011.  FitBloggin is more than just a conference - it's a community.  It's a community and tribe I have missed.

Like their tagline says, "using blogging, social media, and digital communication to motivate, inspire and foster a culture of health and wellness where everyone belongs."

My goal between now and July, when I *hopefully* attend my 3rd FitBloggin conference in Indianapolis, is to bring back some of that "fit" and "blogging" since both have been sporadic at best.

Here's the "fit" part:

 I am finally getting the scale to move back in the right direction.  (I weigh in at home on Wednesdays and at Weight Watchers on Saturdays - hopefully the 2 numbers match this week because I've been ON POINT for the past week since returning from Atlanta.

The "blogging" part will come.  As I have things to say, I'll say them.  If you want to read and comment, hopefully you will do that too :)  I used to be so consistent here, with a "schedule" and everything, but honestly, I got really burned out.  Maybe July and my tribe will motivate me to get my voice back out here.

Here's hoping 2016 has started off with a bang (in a good way) for you.  Are you planning to attend FitBloggin'16?  Please let me know if you are and if I actually make it (I'm registered but there's a lot that still needs to fall into place), we will definitely meet for hugs!

Weigh-In Wednesday: this sh*t is hard

For the past 5 weeks or so, I've been following Weight Watchers, going to the meetings, and trying to up my workout game.  It worked for awhile.  You can't even see the starting weight but from highest to lowest it was 11.8 pounds.  Before I started to screw up.

This is after my weigh-in on Saturday at WW (yes, I covered the weights because I hate the numbers).  I gained .6 pounds last week and I weigh in at home on Wednesdays so I know I'm up another pound from here.  It pisses me off because no matter how perfect I am in the next 3 days, I will not be able to show a loss.  What's the point of going if you are going to show you failed?  For 2 weeks in a row.

This worked for about 4 weeks.  Then I started sabotaging myself by going into the teacher's lounge, eating treats, and being frustrated by the changes to the points system this past week.  Before I felt like I could go out, have a beer, eat a cookie, etc because I had enough flex points each week to do that.  Now? Not even close.  It's stupid because for the first 4 weeks, I was allowed 26 points and only one week did I go into the 49 flex points.  Now I get 30 points and every day I'm into the flex points and I'm gaining weight.

It makes me want to give up because it's too hard.  It's hard being around all the tempting holiday treats and it's hard to re-figure everything I was eating before.  Obviously, the first 4 weeks I did fantastic, losing almost 12 pounds.  Now the scale is going back up again.  I feel like I've blown 4 weeks of hard work.  I can't even eat the exact same meals as I did the past 4 weeks because the point values changed on some of them.  My "allowed" points only went up by 4 a day but my weekly flex points dropped from 49 to 28.  That's almost cut in half.  I'm now being penalized because I don't want to use fake shit - like margarine, gross fat free dressings, fake cheese, or "diet" bread.  Before the values of the foods I was eating were low enough that I could still stay within my points and I had enough flex points to put a little real butter on my decent tasting piece of toast in the morning if I wanted to but now I can't do that. My breakfast jumped from 9 points to 12 because of the changes.  My lunch went up too because my salad dressing changed. Today I used a tiny but of jam instead of butter but it wasn't the same.  I've also cut myself from 2 eggs to 1 egg plus those liquid egg white things to go from 4 points down to 2.  One day for breakfast I did just yogurt and fruit and I was starving by 11:00.  I don't know what to eat anymore.

I really don't know if I'm going to stick with this.  Someone in a FB group I belong to suggested I go back to using the Points+ tracking but since I track 100% through the app, I can't even do that because everything in the app is converted to Smart Points.  If I have to carry a paper tracker around with me and all the books, I know I won't track a single thing.  Another thing that's flawed with that suggestions.  What's the point of paying for all the e-tools if you can't even use them?

So yes, I've made progress since I decided to get back on track but the past week I feel like I've done nothing but screw up.  Someone even noticed last night that I looked thinner when I feel like it doesn't show at all.  That's cool but it's hard to be happy knowing it isn't going to last.  Sadly, I feel like I'm going to end up right back where I started because I can't seem to figure this out and I'm too much of a failure to have the self control to stay out of the lounge and away from the treats.

Weigh-In Wednesday: a rough week

(*edited* Yes, It's Thursday. I realized after I published this TODAY that it isn't Wednesday. That's how this week has gone.)

This week has not been fun. I know I haven't eaten as well as I should and there may have been a night where more than a glass or two of wine was consumed.

I've had a nearly $800 van repair that didn't completely fix the problems.  On the plus side, there were two things that they fixed that were actually covered by that elusive "Lifetime Power Train Warranty".  I looked them up and they would have added at least another $400 to that bill, so there's that.  The sucky thing is it goes back in again next week.

source

Somehow through this I managed to lose a pound from last week.  Brightside?

I've been really debating whether I should go to Chicago this weekend.  I'm broke and borderline injured but not to the point that I can't run, I just can't run well.  Luckily it's a large enough race that it's unlikely I'll be DFL.  Plus, I'm already over $150 in for this race so it would kill me to not show up and I really want to see Renee.  I'll just have to be extra careful with what I spend while I'm there since I'll probably be hit with more stupid car repair costs next week.  Since I have that 5k the following weekend, I need to come home not anymore injured than I already am, too.

Have I mentioned how much I hate my van?  And my achilles?

The yoga class I've been attending had a lesson yesterday on replacing negative thoughts with opposite positive ones.  So I guess the positives are that there was enough money in the checking account to cover this week's car repairs, I don't have a car payment on top of it, and I can still sorta run.  How's that?

Anyhoo...Until next week.  Maybe I'll write a race report when I get back.  I haven't done that in awhile.

Not liking this trend

So I followed the advice of a few friends and put the scale away for a bit.  I went on vacation and while I was gone, I got in a few runs and ate whatever I felt like eating.  No low carb. No tracking. No counting calories.  I came back from vacation and waited a few days before I weighed in. Shockingly, I only gained about 1/2 a pound while I was gone.  

Flash forward another week where I've been more on track food-wise and exercising more, and now I'm up 2 more pounds.  What the actual fuck???

I decided to go back in MFP and see a graph for the last year.  11 pounds gained is NOT what I had in mind.  I can only imagine what my doctor is going to say when I'm in for my annual physical next month.

Because I'm some kind of masochist, I took a few pictures.  Because pictures don't lie.  I look as bad as I feel.  I am resembling a stuffed sausage in my clothes and that's really not a good look for me.

Yikes.

There once was a time I really liked my back.  Now? All I see is fat spilling over the sides of my way too tight sports bra and tank top.  There are no muscles left.

I was *thisclose* to joining Weight Watchers again this morning.  Why didn't I?  Because as a "Lifetime Member" I would have to pay again until I reached my previous goal weight - which was 141 from probably over 10 years ago.  There is no way that is a realistic goal anymore when I can't even get to 150.  

I'm kind of stuck.  I started tracking again today but that really hasn't worked for me.  I should probably go back to very low carb.  Honestly, I did lose a few pounds (it's that recent dip on the graph).  I need to get back to the gym and start lifting again.  I bought a 1-month unlimited yoga membership with my daughter to support her going (doctor's orders for her to see if they help her migraines).  We went on Monday and Tuesday's run was very painful and this morning's run turned into a walk because my Achilles and calves were so sore.  I thought yoga was supposed to help, not make you worse.  Going again today so we shall see.

I really don't want advice.  I don't want people suggesting this diet or that diet.  Chances are, I've already tried and failed at them.  If  Whole 30 or Paleo or 21 Day Fix or works for you, that's great.  I'm done thinking they will work for me.  I'm just putting this out there for some accountability to myself.

Back on the wagon I guess.  

I'm a pro at sabotage

It's weigh-in Wednesday but I'm so mixed up from dealing with other things that I didn't remember until after I ate breakfast. Today's weight is actually yesterday's, but it still sucks.  It also appears I suck at remembering to blog since it's been a couple weeks now.


It's been a solid month of low carb and I should be back into the 140s by now. Obviously I'm not. Not even close. It seems I fail at every diet/eating plan I attempt: Whole30, paleo, low carb, low fat. Doesn't matter what it is, I fail. I'm not strong enough to be perfect and my body clearly punishes me if I'm not perfect.  Since I'm heading into a week long road trip where all meals will be eaten out, I'm pretty much giving up on this.  Even the past week where I've traveled a bunch I've made what I thought were better choices - leaving out the breads, choosing salads or a side of vegetables over fries, passing on beer - it hasn't worked.  I still have a tortilla chip here and there.  I piece of dark chocolate.  I'm still up because I can't just eat boring meat and salads with no other vegetables besides lettuce.  After some good dips down, I'm almost back to where I started, which makes it very difficult to stay motivated.

I know I'm not eating perfectly and it pisses me off that I don't have the willpower.  I haven't been working out hard enough.  Excuses would be that I'm really tired and have no mental or physical energy.  I'm going to be traveling and don't know where I'll run.  I was planning to do a long run tomorrow while my dad is having surgery in downtown Chicago, but now that the weather is predicting storms all fucking day, I'll be spending 6 to 8 hours sitting on my fat ass instead of running along the lake in one of my favorite places to run on the planet.  I probably won't even bother to pack running clothes now.  Maybe I just need to learn to be happy being fat because that's obviously what my body wants at this point.

Yes, I'm whining.  I'm pissed at myself that I can't make this work.  Whatever the fuck "this" is. The good news?  If there is anyone who still reads this blog, you won't have to listen to me bitch for another couple of weeks because I also don't have the energy to post anymore.  Maybe I'll be back after vacation or maybe I won't.

Weigh-In Wednesday: I failed

Yep.  That would be a gain this week.  Did you know it's possible to gain weight on a very low carb diet?  Well, it really isn't, at least not this early into the plan.  The fact that I gained means I fucked up.

This past weekend included two graduation parties and a grown-ups party.  I thought I could handle it and make good choices, but obviously I was wrong.

It sucks to have undone over half of what I managed to accomplish (for the record, I was 157 two days ago).  Yes, I know that the majority of this is water, as evidenced by my loss of two of these pounds yesterday, but it still sucks.  I failed and now I'm starting over again.  I know this is why I won't ever commit to strict Whole30 or something like that.  I know I can't do it and then every slip-up will send me into a self-hate spiral.  Proof positive this weekend.

I don't totally hate myself but I'm definitely not happy.

Back to square one.

Weigh In Wednesday: downward trend

Whoa...I got so busy at work today that I totally forgot to post this.  Yep, I've managed to lose just over 5 pounds in the first week of low-carb.  I know it's all water at this point, but it's nice to see the downward trend and to be below 155 again.  Maybe eventually I'll even see the low 140s (although at this point I don't have a goal weight in mind).


I have to admit, what I've been eating the past week or so has been pretty boring.  I've made 2 different quiches to alternate for breakfasts because eating the same one every day last week got really old, and I'm having the same basic BLAT salad for lunch every day (bacon, lettuce, avocado, turkey, a tiny bit of tomato, and ranch dressing).  If I've had a few carbs and calories left at the end of the day, I've treated myself to a glass of red wine (3.5 carbs vs close to 20 in a beer).

Weigh In Wednesday: back on track

It's been 2 weeks since my little rant here about having gained back so much weight that I was basically back to 2009 when I started blogging.  I saw a number on the scale that I REALLY didn't like and maybe that was the kick in the ass I needed to get back on track.

I've been logging most days and keeping my calories around 1200 (more on days with heavier workouts) and trying to eat more protein and veggies than carbs.

It seems to be working because I'm down 6 pounds.  This is definitely a step in the right direction.

Because I have a race this weekend, I'm making sure to still eat and drink enough and not really limiting my carbs (yet) because I know my body needs fuel for the 25k.  After the race, I'm tightening up  my eating even more.  Some conglomeration between paleo, whole 30 and low carb is my goal because it seems that's what works for me.  I know carbs affect me negatively - I ate too many over the weekend and my weight shot back up and I felt like crap.  My body needs quality protein, healthy veggies, and a limited number of fruits and grains.  I'm going to be taking a sort of sabbatical from distance running so I'm not worried about needing massive amounts of carbs to fuel 2+ hour runs.

Anyhoo...just wanted to give those of you who commented after my rant (thank you, by the way) a little update.  Hopefully the positivity will continue.

Weigh-In Wednesday: sigh

I know it's only been 2 days since I've been tracking, but I've kept my calories to within the range I set on MFP (1500 for those of you wondering) so I guess I was expecting the scale to at least be the same, not up again.  Maybe 1500 calories are too much and I need to drop it back down to 1200.  Kind of scary when I've eaten  a healthy breakfast and lunch today totaling about 850 so far.  Doesn't leave much for dinner besides some lettuce.

I wrote the check-in post for The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans today.  The irony isn't lost on me that I'm now weighing within a few pounds of what I weighed when I started blogging in 2009, writing for a fitness/weight loss site, and not being able to practice what I preach.  To be honest, that makes me really sick.  That post could be written today with the only exception being that I am much more active now.  Back then I'd done a few really slow 5ks and now I've done 15 half marathons, and 2 full marathons.

But I'm still overweight.  I could say the last almost 6 years were all for nothing, but I know they weren't.  I'm definitely healthier than back then.  More active for sure. But I feel like I've learned nothing about what to put in my body to keep me a size I can tolerate and feel good about. Sigh.

Because I'm having a bit of a pity party here's some timely Shel Silverstein instead.  Kinda wishing it was still Christmas time.

WIAW: an apparently all the things weigh-in

And just like that, I'm up 4.4 pounds and the heaviest I've been in over 6 months.  Great freaking way to finish up 2014, don't you think?

I don't even think I went all that nuts over Thanksgiving either.  I had a very small serving of stuffing and stuck to my paleo dessert.  Filled my plate with lean turkey and sweet potatoes. My veggie dishes were paleo (although the carrots did have a ton of butter and bourbon so maybe not quite paleo).  Other than the stupid zucchini and banana breads that were made this weekend, I've stayed away from wheat.  Since the weekend, I'm back to paleo-ish except for that damn bread.  It needs to be removed from the house.  I've even been drinking water like it's my JOB to try to get rid of any of the crap from the weekend.

The bottom line?  I obviously still ate too much and too much of the wrong things.  One of my friends suggested it's the amoxicilan and high calorie stupid yogurt I'm eating (because the antibiotics hate me) causing me to puff up or something, but that doesn't seem right either.  I know I haven't worked out enough because of whatever stupid bug I contracted, although the past 3 days I've done pretty well.  I got on the scale this morning and wondered why the fuck I even bother to work out because it's obviously not doing anything.

It really sucks and I'm pissed at myself for blowing any bit of progress I ever made.  I can barely remember anymore what it's like to be in the 140s, much less how great it felt and looked to be in the 130s. At this rate, I should be well up over 160 by the new year.  Happy 2015 to me.

Weigh In Wednesday: up down up

By all accounts, this shows a 0.4 pound loss this week, but if you were to expand that out to show the last year, you'd see I've basically maintained with a hell of a lot of up-down-up-down.  A year ago, I was 150, so over the past year, I've made no progress whatsoever. What frustrates me is that I stepped on the scale yesterday and was 148 even - so I "gained" .8 pounds overnight.  Now, I know I didn't eat enough to gain almost a pound in 24 hours so it's water or maybe my coffee hadn't fully kicked in yet.  Whatever.  It's still frustrating.  I know I shouldn't care and 148.8 is a weight that many people would probably celebrate, but I do care and it frustrates me.  Have I mentioned I'm frustrated?

Maybe I'm just not working hard enough.  I've definitely been more "ish" than paleo lately.  Damn you, Udi's, for making such good gluten-free bread and Bell's brewing for making such good beer.  Maybe adding lifting nearly every day to my cardio isn't doing what it's supposed to be doing.  Again, maybe I'm just not working hard enough.

It's ironic that 2 of my friends posted yesterday about ditching the scale.  I wish I felt like I could step away from the scale like Mindy and Katy have.  I know I'm much more than that number, but right now I'm not seeing progress in any other way either, so it's all I've got.

Weigh In Wednesday: progress-ish

I am down 1.8 pounds this week, which is about what I gained last week.  It could be worse I guess.  I've been trying to stick with the 2-a-day workouts (strength plus cardio) and most days I've done that.  I haven't gone so far as to start tracking my food again since that only makes me stabby and I have enough shit going on as it is.

We are hosting Thanksgiving in a few weeks so I can have a bit of control over the menu.  I'm trying to find some paleo/healthified versions of some of our standard Turkey-day fare and if I come across anything great, I'll make sure to share it.

What I haven't found is a good paleo pie recipe that doesn't have a bazilionty ingredients and take 2 weeks to make.  If anyone has a good dessert suggestion, I'm all ears.

Semi-Wordless Wednesday & a Weigh-in

Good advice from Marathon Don on the GR Marathon blog today.

My friend, Beki, posted this on FB yesterday.  Anyone else relate?

Looks like I'm right where I was a year ago. *sigh*

This made me smile. The Oatmeal rocks.

I hope everyone has a Wonderful Wednesday!

#WIAW and a better weigh-in

First off, I finally found a paleo-ish Chicken Parm recipe that tastes almost as good as regular Chicken Parm.  You can find it here but basically, it's just chicken breasts dunked in egg, then seasoned (oregano, garlic powder, salt, pepper) almond flour and baked on a parchment-lined cookie sheet at 375 until done (about 30 min).  I served it over zoodles with my favorite Rao's sauce and a little bit of mozzarella.  

I lost nearly all of the weight I gained last week, which is shocking since not pictured in the WIAW picture is all the candy and GF brownies with ice cream I've had this week.  Taper...the struggle is real, people!

If there's one benefit to needing to get up extra early to present an inservice to staff at 7:15 in the morning, it's being awake to see the Bloodmoon.  Pretty cool stuff that my iPhone camera can't really do justice.  Even better than the moon was the number of stars I saw.  Very pretty sky.

Did you see the lunar eclipse this morning?

Weigh In and #WIAW: bad sign or wake-up call?

So, it would appear stress plus THIS

equals THIS

Yes, that would be a 3.2 pound gain this week.  Add that to the 1.4 pound gain last week and I've managed to pack on 4.6 pounds in 2 weeks.  Just the other day I was watching the Biggest Loser and commented to a friend how I couldn't believe the 18 year old (Blake is her name I think) could gain so much weight in one year.  Then, this morning, it hit me.  4.6 pounds every two weeks would result in about a 120 pound gain over the course of the year.

Now, do I really believe that this time next year I'll weigh 270 pounds? Absolutely not.  But it's scary how fast weight comes back on.

It doesn't matter if you bike for an hour, do 100 squats and lunges, or spend 4 hours running on the weekend.  What you put in your mouth counts more than the exercise.

If you treat every day like long run day, you WILL gain weight.  Even a 20 mile run doesn't entitle you to to eat all the things.  I ate and drank entirely too much this weekend and last weekend.  That was very clear.  I'm terrified that this trend will continue after race day.  I was so proud of myself for getting back into my "skinny" jeans and now I'm disappointed for blowing it all so quickly.

I wasn't even sure if I should post this today but I'm just trying to keep it real.  And right now, reality sucks.

Weigh-in Wednesday: photos don't lie

Late last week, I posted to IG about a great non-scale victory. I got back into this favorite pair of Silver jeans and I have to admit, I was feeling pretty skinny.

Even my butt looked smaller :)

But then race photos came out from Sunday's Bridge Run.

Not flattering AT.ALL.  Sure, I'm smiling but I saw the picture and all that confidence from 3 days earlier was gone.  Friends kept finding this one and tagging me on FB.  Oh the joys of social media.

At least you can see how pretty the setting was.  This is around mile 6 in Riverside Park.  I was still hanging with the pacers.

Looks like I was happy to finally pull away from the pacers at mile 8.  This picture is a bit better, too.

I decided to just have fun in this race.  That shows on my face.  Also, I'm a dork and need to not pose for the photographers.  (That dude in the jacket owes me big for being his rabbit.  Maybe he was just checking out my ass for 10 miles.)

Another not-so-flattering picture from the finish line.  Obviously I'm glad to be done (and it's cool that both of my feet are off the ground).  

So, if photos don't lie, which picture should I believe?  The skinny selfie?  The fat hanging over the fuel belt?  The strong runner at the finish?  I really don't know anymore.  As for the weigh-in this week - I'm up .6 pounds.  Better than the 3 pounds I was up just 2 days ago.

#WIAW and a Weigh In

It's that time of the week again where I say I'm not going to stress about the scale. Usually I'm lying to myself & I hate the number I see. Today wasn't so bad.

In fact, it was pretty darn good. I've tried to get back to a bit more paleo and a bit less "ish" this week. It seems to have helped because I'm down 3.4 pounds. Now, if I could just keep this going that would be great.

Now for the "what I ate" part of today's post.  I finally found something bread-like that's fast and makes great sandwiches.  While killing time searching on Pinterest, I stumbled upon this recipe for a 1 minute muffin. Now, I'm all about the 1 minute mug cake and cookie recipes because HELLO! A dessert in 1 minute - no brainer.  But, I'd never thought to try and make an individual bread.  These actually turned out really good.

This first one was made using the original recipe and almond flour.  I do not have "golden flax meal" so I used regular and my baking powder is not aluminum free (who knew there was such a thing???).  They turned out fine.  This one baked up very fluffy and I was able to slice it into 4 thin rounds and toast them in the toaster.  Incredible BLAT sandwich!  The one drawback to this recipe? One ramakin of bread is over 300 calories.  OUCH.  Yes, when it's paleo it's not supposed to matter, but still.  300 Freaking Calories!

I made pulled chicken in the crockpot for dinner and decided to try the bread again, this time using the alternate recipe with coconut flour.  These don't pack quite the calorie punch - "only" 195 calories but that still seemed really high to me.  Also, they didn't rise as much with the coconut flour and had a bit sweeter of a taste.  Still good but I think the almond flour ones tasted better.  I think in the future, I'll stick with the almond flour recipe and just save 1/2 the bun for another meal.  

So, is it worth it to make a bread that is going to add 300 calories to your day? I'm not sure, but actually eating a real sandwich was kind of a treat :)

Weigh-in Wednesday: #WIAW too much "ish"

My diet has been less paleo and more paleo-ish lately.  I've reintroduced some grains but have stayed primarily gluten free.  Seems I can't even have rice flour or corn without gaining weight.  Thanks to this lax eating, I gained 2 pounds this week.  I also was sick as a dog for eating my hamburger on a real bun the other night.  

Lesson learned.

I did make a very healthy dinner last night.  Roasted chicken (I took the skin off to eat it), steamed veggies and a plain sweet potato.  I also had a glass of wine and a salad (the dressing wasn't paleo - Olive Garden Italian has cheese in it and "bad" oil but it was what I had that wasn't cream-based).

What isn't pictured is what I had AFTER dinner.  2 more glasses of wine, a GF brownie and a small scoop of ice cream.  Celebrating the first day of senior year for my kids shouldn't include me I guess because even though I tried to be healthier, it was still cheating.  Now I have half a pan of brownies and a container of ice cream taunting me.

Brownies and ice cream are my Kryptonite.  What's yours?

Weigh-In Wednesday: pictures are louder than words

You know that old saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all"? I'm going to let this picture say it all this week.

Obviously I fucked up this week. There's nothing else to say.

#WIAW Good Paleo-ish Substitutes

In my effort to be paleo-ish, I'm definitely missing some foods.  Thanks to some friends and the wonders of the interwebs, I've found some nice substitutions.

This weekend, I was introduced to these amazing gluten free pretzels.  They are available on Amazon but my friends who brought them over said you can find them in some stores as well.  Not paleo, but good for a snack and the calories aren't crazy high like some gluten free snacks I've found (like a cookie I got that was 320 calories for one cookie!).  I even think they taste better than regular pretzels.  Plus, I finally have something to dunk in that Dirty Bastard Stone Ground Mustard from Founder's Brewing.

I can't remember if I've posted about these Banana Muffins with Chocolate Chip Strussel Topping before.  Danielle Walker is the blogger behind Against All Grain and her recipes are so good.  These muffins are moist and delicious, plus they are gluten free, grain free, and paleo if you use paleo chocolate chips (I don't go quite that far).  My family even loves these.

As for my weigh-in this week, it was fine.  I'm trying to switch my focus to training and eating to train, so I won't be posting weigh-ins here for awhile.  If you are friends with me on My Fitness Pal, you'll still see me logging my food most days and tracking my weight because while I know losing while marathon training is becoming unrealistic, I also don't want to swing back the other way and end up gaining again.  

Do you have a favorite gluten free or grain free baked good?