It's been quite a while since I participated in a True Confessions Tuesday. Needless to say, I have a lot to confess and it's not pretty so today will be bullet points.
- I saw a number on the scale this morning that I haven't seen since I started this blog in June of 2009. I don't even want to post it here because it's beyond gross to me.
- My BMI is 29.8 - a 30 is considered "obese". That's pretty freaking scary. According to this chart I have to lose over 25 pounds to be back in the "normal" range. In reality I probably need to lose about 35 pounds.
- Losing 25 pounds seems impossible now since every effort I've made in the past 2 years has only resulted in a HIGHER weight. Losing 60+ pounds? Completely unrealistic.
- Watching the Boston Marathon yesterday I heard the announcers talk about the size of the female elite runners. They are my height and under 100 pounds. They look incredible.
- I am fat again and I've completely blown all the work I did 6 years ago to get back down to 140 pounds. (For the record, I will still be considered "overweight" at 140. Being short really sucks balls.)
- I need to stop eating anything that remotely tastes good. Celebrating Sunday's half marathon with a hard root beer float wasn't a good idea. I don't deserve treats like this.
- I've been trying to log into MFP but it was frustrating me again and I took the weekend off. I'm back to logging today and I've dropped my calorie goal back down to 1200 because 1500 was obviously too high.
- My kids graduate in about 5 weeks. This means tons of photos that I don't want to be in looking the way that I look.
- I'm dreading seeing the race pictures from Sunday. I was happy during the race and having fun. Seeing how fat I look is only going to ruin that feeling.
- I'm doing a mud run with my daughter in 2 months and I'm too fat to haul my ass over any of the obstacles. Sad but true. I've already decided to take a break from running distance after the 25k in 3 weeks to try and focus on strength and speed because at the weight I am now, running just hurts and really isn't very fun.
I could keep listing shit but at this point I really don't see the point. The fact is I've completely blown it and I couldn't be more disappointed in myself.