Motivation Monday: OMG!

I've had more than a few OMG! moments lately.  This past weekend I had to buy a new pair of jeans because none of my current ones fit anymore.

Do you know how hard it is to "reward" yourself with new clothes because you got too fat for the ones you already own?  Not to mention OMG they were crazy expensive.  Not cool.  I really need work pants too because I'm down to 2 pair that fit, but I can't justify spending another $100 when I really don't want to wear them for very long.

This morning I saw a number on the scale that I said I would never see again. In fact, it's a whole decade HIGHER than another number I said I would never see again.  A full TWO decades higher than where I really think I should be.

Yes, it's just a number and I know some of it is bloat from salt and whatnot this weekend, but still. It took everything I had not to burst into tears this morning.  This number is just further confirmation that I've completely screwed up several YEARS worth of work.  I can't stand what I see in the mirror and I'm so disappointed in myself.

How is this motivating?

I dusted off MFP this morning - although I'm toying with the idea of going old-school journaling a la Weight Watchers and just writing down everything I eat and drink without tracking the calorie aspect.

I'm chugging water this morning like it's my JOB.

I'm making a plan to start lifting again when my stupid back settles down (it doesn't help that I failed my long run this weekend because I couldn't last a mile without pain).

Here's hoping all this motivation lasts for longer than a day or two and that number starts going down again and my current wardrobe starts fitting.

#WIAW and a Weigh In

It's that time of the week again where I say I'm not going to stress about the scale. Usually I'm lying to myself & I hate the number I see. Today wasn't so bad.

In fact, it was pretty darn good. I've tried to get back to a bit more paleo and a bit less "ish" this week. It seems to have helped because I'm down 3.4 pounds. Now, if I could just keep this going that would be great.

Now for the "what I ate" part of today's post.  I finally found something bread-like that's fast and makes great sandwiches.  While killing time searching on Pinterest, I stumbled upon this recipe for a 1 minute muffin. Now, I'm all about the 1 minute mug cake and cookie recipes because HELLO! A dessert in 1 minute - no brainer.  But, I'd never thought to try and make an individual bread.  These actually turned out really good.

This first one was made using the original recipe and almond flour.  I do not have "golden flax meal" so I used regular and my baking powder is not aluminum free (who knew there was such a thing???).  They turned out fine.  This one baked up very fluffy and I was able to slice it into 4 thin rounds and toast them in the toaster.  Incredible BLAT sandwich!  The one drawback to this recipe? One ramakin of bread is over 300 calories.  OUCH.  Yes, when it's paleo it's not supposed to matter, but still.  300 Freaking Calories!

I made pulled chicken in the crockpot for dinner and decided to try the bread again, this time using the alternate recipe with coconut flour.  These don't pack quite the calorie punch - "only" 195 calories but that still seemed really high to me.  Also, they didn't rise as much with the coconut flour and had a bit sweeter of a taste.  Still good but I think the almond flour ones tasted better.  I think in the future, I'll stick with the almond flour recipe and just save 1/2 the bun for another meal.  

So, is it worth it to make a bread that is going to add 300 calories to your day? I'm not sure, but actually eating a real sandwich was kind of a treat :)

Weigh-In Wednesday: crap eating equals crap weight

Good by Papa Johns and enjoying a beer while I watch football.

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6
Last week: 148.2
This week: 149.4
Change: up 1.2
Total change: down 4.2

At the risk of being told my attitude sucks - here's a news flash - it sucks because I'm pissed at myself for letting stress and some shit I can't talk about here affect my sleep, eating & exercise.

I've been eating within my calories allotment but apparently not the right foods or I would be down this week instead of up. Guess I can now eliminate pizza - even veggie, which is what I eat - from my diet. Why are all the foods that taste good ones that make me fat?



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Weigh-in Wednesday: roller coasters anyone?

This would make one wicked coaster

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

2 weeks ago week: 145.4

This week: 145.8

Change: down up 0.4

Total change: down 7.8

I'm a roller coaster junky, but this roller coaster isn't my favorite.

I upped my calories on MFP to 1600 after I learned starving myself didn't work (my net calories are probably closer to 1300 - I'm bad about recording everything and if I eat out I don't even try because it's too hard to calculate).

I'm not running which means I'm not burning as many calories as I'm capable of burning but I'm still working out. Being "rewarded" with a gain for trying to eat healthier this week was a let down.

Random question - do you get calf cramps at night? I get them all the time and they need to stop. Suggestions?


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Weigh-in Wednesday: how not to lose 5.6 pounds

I had a bit of a freak out Monday morning when the scale read 151.0 so I foolishly decided to cut carbs (really all starches), sugar and dairy from my diet without any clear-cut plan.

I ate fruit, lots of veggies and some protein.

This is what MFP had to say the past 2 days.

This is what the scale said this morning:

If you're doing the math, that's a 5.6 pound "loss" in 2 days.  In no way is this a fat loss - it's all water.  The past 2 days left me starving because apparently my body cannot live on vegetables alone - I need actual calories, too.  I ate fairly large meals that were mostly veggies, but my net calories on Monday were around 650 and Tuesday were around 250 until I "cheated" and had a yogurt and a beer.  I couldn't put sentences together and I knew I was being stupid.

I'm back to eating like a normal person. In all likelihood, I'll gain back the "weight" I lost but at least I'll be able to drive down the street without risk of crashing because I can't think straight.

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

2 weeks ago week: 147.4

This week: 145.4

Change: down 2.0

Total change: down 8.2

Fad diets, while they might make you lose weight initially, are really not realistic for me and in all honesty, probably not safe because I'm not willing to add a bunch of foods that I know the rest of my family won't touch.  I can't afford it.  If you are paleo, whole30, whatever - more power to you and I'm glad it works for you.  For me? I can't do it smartly so it's best if I just work on eating sensibly. 

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Weigh-In Wednesday: facing the music

I think it's been 6 or 7 weeks since I posted a weigh-in, probably because I've been so frustrated with the number. I'd set a goal for myself to be back in the 130s by my birthday.  Well, my birthday was last week and I was 145. I didn't even come close. Yesterday I was 146. Today I was 147.4, which doesn't surprise me since I was on vacation last week and had tacos for dinner last night. (Seriously, Taco Tuesday really should not precede Weigh-in Wednesday.)

I've been bouncing around the mid-140s all freaking summer.


If this was a roller coaster ride it would seriously rock. Sadly, it looks more like the half marathon course I'll be hobbling through on Sunday. (If you're curious about the hobbling go here.)

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 145.0

This week: 147.4

Change: up 2.4

Total change: down 6.2

That "Total Change" line had gotten to over 10 pounds down and now it's just plain disappointing. I'm hoping that once school starts again I can be more structured. I'm even still toying with the idea of Paleo or Whole30 but I'm afraid of the backlash from my family and I'm afraid it will be like when I was vegetarian for a year and I hardly ate anything but still gained weight and was cooking separate meals all the time. Yes, I have a few friends who follow paleo but they don't have picky teens who will make their mother's life miserable if they don't like what's for dinner. Asking them to feed themselves isn't fair either, especially when they are in tons if activities and honors classes. They barely have time to sleep much less make their own dinners.

I know this is just rambling so I'm going to stop now.

Hope you all are enjoying the last couple weeks of summer.

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Weigh-in Wednesday: lesson learned

Here's a tip to anyone trying to lose weight or maintain their weight.

If you eat this for lunch...

(Date with my girl and she picked a hotdog place,
yes, I should've only had one or none but I haven't had
a hotdog in forever and it sounded really good at the time.)

And then have leftover pizza for dinner...

And don't drink any water all day...

You will gain 3 pounds overnight. 

The number on the scale this morning was horrible and I'm not posting it because it really isn't accurate.

Lesson learned.

Now to chug water all day and hope the 3 pounds are gone tomorrow.

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Weigh-in Wednesday: burnout

Without turning this post into a rant, I'm just going to say I'm burned out.

Burned out on training.

Burned out on trying to lose weight.

I'm just burned out.

I've seen basically no improvement in any area and it's frustrating.  

It's frustrating to know that I'm trying but it's just not good enough.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough.

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 144.8

This week: 144.4

Change: down 0.4

Total change: down 9.4

Rather than show you a picture of my stupid scale again, I'll leave you with a picture from my bike ride this morning. It's prettier. It's also blurry because I was moving when I took it. 

Weigh in Wednesday: am I on a string? #weightin #weightloss

Have you ever felt like a yo-yo? I'm pretty sure my body is doing its best impersonation. I had a really great weigh-in two days ago and a less great (but still good) weigh in today.

I'm pretty sure a lot of last week's awful gain was water but I'm still not liking the number on the scale. I know that no one cares but me, however, I have 6 weeks until my birthday and I'm going to try my hardest to make it back into the 130s by then.

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 148.2

This week: 144.8

Change: down 3.4

Total change: down 8.8

So, I have 6 weeks to lose 5 pounds. You'd think it shouldn't be that difficult, but I also have a bunch of stressful and/or fun events in the next 6 weeks as well. My triathlon is in less than 3 weeks and I'm feeling completely unprepared, but now our weather is crap and I can't get out for any open water swims or bike rides. My dad is having major back surgery in Chicago on 8/1 and my 25th HS reunion is that same weekend (still haven't decided whether I'm going to the reunion - I'm thinking of boycotting the $120 a couple charge). Then my twins turn 16 the day after their birthday is my 200 mile relay.  Pretty sure losing weight in the middle of all that is going to be next to impossible.  Maybe my goal should just be to not gain any weight.

It's going to be a crazy 6 weeks. Here's hoping I make it.

(As a random side-note, my heel has been hurting since my 10k last weekend. It's in the heel itself - not where planar fasciitis would be. Any ideas?)

If you haven't checked out my first post over at Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans, go visit and show the rest of the site some love while you're there too.  It's a pretty amazing and inspirational group of writers.

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Weigh-in Wednesday: fighting tears

Since the day has pretty much gone to shit, I figured I'd post this.  I'm frustrated and I feel like a failure.  There were even tears this morning and I seriously want to cry right now.

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 145.2

This week: 148.2

Change: up 3.0

Total change: down 5.4

I gained 3 pounds this week.  It sucks out loud that I've completely blown any hard work I managed to accomplish.  All of my workouts have been basically for nothing because it would appear if I eat anything that isn't a salad, I'm going to just gain weight.  At least that's how it feels.  I even cut way back on beers this week because I didn't want the empty calories and I knew with as hot as it has been, I needed to actually hydrate.

I should've just had the beer.

Weigh-in Wednesday: too much fun

It doesn't matter that I've been nailing my workouts & even worked out 3 times yesterday (run, swim, run). The fact is...I've been having too much fun (or consuming too many "fun" foods and drinks). I'm the heaviest I've been in almost a year and it sucks out loud.

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 144.2

This week: 145.2

Change: up 1.0

Total change: down 8.4

I feel like I'm blowing it & all the hard work I've done in the past has been a waste.

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Weigh-in Wednesday: I need to try harder

I've taken a couple weeks off from posting weigh-ins because I knew they'd be ugly. Guess I was right.

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 143.2 (actually on 5/22/13)

This week: 144.2

Change: up 1.0

Total change: down 9.4

This shit has to stop. I need to cool it on the beer and junk-ish food.  Eat more salads.  Add in more 2-a-day workouts. The first one starts now. Bike this morning and lift this afternoon. I'm getting really sick of that 2nd number being a 4.  Yes, my clothes are fitting better but I still don't think someone as tiny as me should weigh 140-something.  If you look at the charts, I should probably weigh about 115 or 120, but I know that isn't realistic.  I guess I need to work much, much harder if I want to be back in the 130s by my birthday.

Weigh-in Wednesday: on vacation

I'm not posting a weigh-in this week. I know what it is & it could've been much worse. I just don't think I need to deal with it today because I know why I weigh what I do. I've been eating all the things (and all the wrong things) since Saturday's awesome half marathon but my dailymile log for the week is still posting a big fat zero. Other than 2.5 miles of very slow walking on Sunday, I've done nothing since the half. I needed a break and the trade-off is not burning a single calorie. I also need to create a tri plan, get moving and figure out a plan to be at goal weight by my birthday. You'd think I could lose 5 or 6 pounds in the next 11 weeks, but if the last 3 months are any indication, it's not as easy as it sounds, especially when I can't seem to put the fork down.

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Weigh-in Wednesday: horseshoes & hand grenades

You know that saying, "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades"? That's how I feel. Almost made it to goal before my last race of the season, but not quite.

I need to work on the lighting in my bathroom

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 144.0

This week: 143.2

Change: down .8

Total change: down 10.4

I'm not under 140 today but that really doesn't matter. The fact that my clothes fit again (actually, many of them are too big) and that I just bought 2 pair of summery jeans in sizes 4 and 6 and a bunch of size small shirts is what matters.

source

Am I going to keep lobbing those horseshoes and hand grenades, hoping I hit my target? Of course I am.  It's what I do. But I'm also going to keep my eyes on the bigger picture.

source

So, I may not have exactly the relationship with gravity I'd like to have right now, but I know that I'm so much more than the number on the scale.  That's what matters most.

Weigh-in Wednesday: shaking my head

No picture today because I'm exactly where I was last week at this time - 144.0.  This makes me shake my head though because for the past 3 days I've been at 142.2.  Here I go thinking I'll have a decent weigh-in and maybe even make goal by next week Saturday, but then my original plan for dinner falls through because I didn't get home early enough to cook so I make tacos.  Read - lots and lots of sodium.  Plus, because of said busy afternoon/evening, I didn't work out at all so I'm sure I was over my calories yesterday.  I really do workout so I can eat.  You'd think running a 15.5 mile race on Saturday would've banked me a few calories, but apparently not.

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 144.0

This week: 144.0

Change: down zip, zilch, nada

Total change: down 9.6

Last week I said I was waving the red flag. I pretty much still am.  I've given up on my goal of being at my goal weight by my race a week from Saturday.  I'd need to be trying much harder and starving myself for that to happen.  I can't lose 5 pounds in the next week and a half plus still fuel for the race.  Such is life.

Weigh-In Wednesday: white flag

Yep, I'm waving the white flag and surrendering for awhile. I've picked my workouts back up but that hasn't helped. The scale has been evil but I haven't had the energy to track my food, so that's my fault. With races coming up this weekend and again in 2 weeks I need to not worry so much about restricting calories. I need to fuel my body.

I really need to clean that scale - gross

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 144.6

This week: 144.0

Change: down 0.6

Total change: down 9.6

Yes, I did lose this week, but I'm no where near my goal/race weight and that still pisses me off, but obviously not enough to really do anything about it right now.  Maybe by summer I'll be down where I want to be and have the confidence to wear the new bikini I bought a couple weeks ago.

This is totally unrelated to today's weighin, but I saw it on Facebook this morning and it literally made me almost spew my coffee all over my table.  If you are a nerd like me, you'll love this.



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Weigh-In Wednesday: not my morning

If you're looking for a unicorns pooping rainbows and sunshine kind of post, I'm telling you right now that this ain't it. Move along to the next blog on your list. If you want to hear me bitch, you're in the right place.

• Let's start with my run this morning - I was supposed to do 6 miles but cut it to 4.24. Either I'm injured or my brain is being a big fat jerk.

• Speaking of big fat jerks, let's also mention my fat thighs that decided to chafe today in my new shorts which were fine on Monday when it was 20* cooler. Underarmour compression shorts with a 7" inseam. but apparently my thighs are too fat even for those. I guess I go back to capris and keep overheating because my legs should not be in any type of running shorts.  I was going to wear a skirt to work today since it's supposed to be 80* but the thought of my thighs touching any more today makes me want to vomit.

• On to my weigh in. FML. I didn't even think I was eating that poorly this week. I'm posting the weight before my run because it wouldn't be right to claim the 1.2 pounds of sweat I lost in 40 freaking minutes. Plus, I'd still be showing a gain so what's the point?

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 142.0

This week: 144.6

Change: up 2.6

Total change: down 9.0

How's that for an ugly trend? I've completely negated the last month and I can't even say I've lost 10 pounds now. So much for making my goal weight before my next 2 races. I could really use the extra speed from another 5 pounds lost but that's obviously not going to happen in the next 1.5 or 3.5 weeks.

So, there you go. My shitty morning in a nutshell.  The day can only get better, right?

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Weigh-in Wednesday: a bit surprised

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 142.6

This week: 142.0

Change: 0.6

Total change: down 11.6

Surprised since I barely burned a calorie this week. I'll take it but I worry the loss is muscle loss & not fat loss because I haven't been able to run in a week. The rational side of my brain says that's not true, but the running addicted side disagrees.  On the plus side, my hamstrings and calves are slightly less sore today and I have a little more hope of being able to complete Saturday's half marathon/training run. Granted, the "less sore" might have something to do with the ridiculous amount of Bengay slathered over the lower half of my body.  Anyone know if that stuff comes in bulk?


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Weigh-in Wednesday: my fault

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 142.6

This week: 142.6

Change: nada

Total change: down 11.0

So, why am I saying maintaining this week is my fault?  Because I haven't been tracking, I barely worked out last week because I was sick and I ran a half marathon on Saturday so I fueled well and then tried not to eat all the things the rest of the weekend but sorta failed.  I should be glad it wasn't a gain.

I need to start ramping up my workouts again.  I didn't taper much for the race because it was supposed to be more of a training run, but oops - I raced the shit out of it. That's the problem with having races as training runs I guess.  It's hard not to go out and do your best.  Now I'm still really sore and have another race in less than 4 weeks (River Bank Run 25K) and then another 2 weeks after that (Bayshore Half).  The goal is to make it to Bayshore fast and uninjured.  Hopefully I can pull that off.

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Weigh-In Wednesday: surprised

Starting Weight (11-28-12): 153.6

Last week: 143.2

This week: 142.6

Change: down 0.6

Total change: down 11.0

I say "surprised" because 2 days ago I was 145 and very pissed off that I'd let stress eating put on 3 pounds in less than 2 weeks. I was prepared to give a bunch of excuses today: The past 2 weeks have been crazy stressful, I've been sick all weekend (and very sick the past 2 days), Aunt Flo was visiting (I've never used this excuse in my life to explain a gain because I think it's bullshit), I had too many salty foods over the weekend...

You get the picture.

I know I ate like shit this past week and even though I worked out nearly every day until Monday when I just couldn't function anymore, I was sure I would still be way up today. I got lucky but not lucky enough since I'm still up from where I was 2 weeks ago.

Still, 142.6 is much better than 145 so I'll take it.

Now, back to bed for me so I can shake this sinus infection and fever (seriously, who gets a f*cking fever with a sinus infection???) before Saturday's half marathon.

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