A needed break

I know I haven't been around these parts much lately. I've got some stuff going on and while writing about it could be therapeutic, writing about it here would be quite the opposite.

Bear with me. I hope to be back at some point but I just don't know when. In the meantime, some good thoughts and mojo headed this way would be appreciated.

I'm a pro at sabotage

It's weigh-in Wednesday but I'm so mixed up from dealing with other things that I didn't remember until after I ate breakfast. Today's weight is actually yesterday's, but it still sucks.  It also appears I suck at remembering to blog since it's been a couple weeks now.


It's been a solid month of low carb and I should be back into the 140s by now. Obviously I'm not. Not even close. It seems I fail at every diet/eating plan I attempt: Whole30, paleo, low carb, low fat. Doesn't matter what it is, I fail. I'm not strong enough to be perfect and my body clearly punishes me if I'm not perfect.  Since I'm heading into a week long road trip where all meals will be eaten out, I'm pretty much giving up on this.  Even the past week where I've traveled a bunch I've made what I thought were better choices - leaving out the breads, choosing salads or a side of vegetables over fries, passing on beer - it hasn't worked.  I still have a tortilla chip here and there.  I piece of dark chocolate.  I'm still up because I can't just eat boring meat and salads with no other vegetables besides lettuce.  After some good dips down, I'm almost back to where I started, which makes it very difficult to stay motivated.

I know I'm not eating perfectly and it pisses me off that I don't have the willpower.  I haven't been working out hard enough.  Excuses would be that I'm really tired and have no mental or physical energy.  I'm going to be traveling and don't know where I'll run.  I was planning to do a long run tomorrow while my dad is having surgery in downtown Chicago, but now that the weather is predicting storms all fucking day, I'll be spending 6 to 8 hours sitting on my fat ass instead of running along the lake in one of my favorite places to run on the planet.  I probably won't even bother to pack running clothes now.  Maybe I just need to learn to be happy being fat because that's obviously what my body wants at this point.

Yes, I'm whining.  I'm pissed at myself that I can't make this work.  Whatever the fuck "this" is. The good news?  If there is anyone who still reads this blog, you won't have to listen to me bitch for another couple of weeks because I also don't have the energy to post anymore.  Maybe I'll be back after vacation or maybe I won't.

Training Tuesday: when you just aren't training

I'm going to come right out and say it...I don't want to run.  I don't want to do much of anything to be perfectly honest.  I have nothing on the horizon except a mud run in about 3 weeks and I have no hope of completing it with any level of success.  I guess just getting through it and trying to have fun with my daughter is all I can hope for on that front since I can't even do 2 real pushups at this point.

I think not wanting to workout makes me lazy.  Am I just being lazy?

According to DailyMile, I had a "stellar" week last week.  By all accounts, it looks like I did, but to say "stellar" is a bit of a stretch.

Yes, I did *something* every day last week, but if you were to examine it a bit closer, you'd see that none of those workouts were longer than about 40 minutes and most were 30 minutes or less.  Shit, you can get pizza delivered in that amount of time.

Now I want pizza.  And the copious amounts of treats in the teacher's lounge today.  It's taking an enormous amount of willpower to not go in there.

I'm certainly not going to get into shape at this rate but I've lost all motivation to workout.  Even knowing I'm going to the Florida at the end of the month and will need to put on a bathing suit isn't enough motivation anymore.  I forced myself to lift for a whopping 15 minutes yesterday and then get on my bike for 30 more minutes, but it was half-assed at best.  I didn't even hook up my Garmin because Why? It just doesn't matter.

Do I run or do anything tonight before my girl's Varsity Letter Reception?  Even knowing I'd have to shower again makes it seem like too much hassle to get dressed to workout.  In fact, I have stuff every night this week and I've been too tired in the mornings to drag my lazy ass out of bed.  Between graduation last week, commitments this week, personal life shit, and trying to get ready for my twin's graduation party this weekend, I'm just done.

What do you do when you just don't want to do anything?

Weigh-In Wednesday: I failed

Yep.  That would be a gain this week.  Did you know it's possible to gain weight on a very low carb diet?  Well, it really isn't, at least not this early into the plan.  The fact that I gained means I fucked up.

This past weekend included two graduation parties and a grown-ups party.  I thought I could handle it and make good choices, but obviously I was wrong.

It sucks to have undone over half of what I managed to accomplish (for the record, I was 157 two days ago).  Yes, I know that the majority of this is water, as evidenced by my loss of two of these pounds yesterday, but it still sucks.  I failed and now I'm starting over again.  I know this is why I won't ever commit to strict Whole30 or something like that.  I know I can't do it and then every slip-up will send me into a self-hate spiral.  Proof positive this weekend.

I don't totally hate myself but I'm definitely not happy.

Back to square one.

Weigh In Wednesday: downward trend

Whoa...I got so busy at work today that I totally forgot to post this.  Yep, I've managed to lose just over 5 pounds in the first week of low-carb.  I know it's all water at this point, but it's nice to see the downward trend and to be below 155 again.  Maybe eventually I'll even see the low 140s (although at this point I don't have a goal weight in mind).


I have to admit, what I've been eating the past week or so has been pretty boring.  I've made 2 different quiches to alternate for breakfasts because eating the same one every day last week got really old, and I'm having the same basic BLAT salad for lunch every day (bacon, lettuce, avocado, turkey, a tiny bit of tomato, and ranch dressing).  If I've had a few carbs and calories left at the end of the day, I've treated myself to a glass of red wine (3.5 carbs vs close to 20 in a beer).

WIAW: the first few days of low carb

After a weekend of running and binging on carbs, I started by low carb diet (I really hate that word but it is what it is) on Monday.  Aside from a little headache and tiredness, I'm doing ok.  The goal the first 2 weeks is to keep my carbs around 20 grams.  Monday I was almost double that and yesterday I was at about 25, so I'm getting better.  Calories have been around 1250-1300.  I'm also drinking a boat load of water and peeing about every 10 minutes. Joy.

I've found a couple really good recipes so far, so I thought I'd share them with you.  Breakfasts this week have been this incredible Spinach, Mushroom and Feta Crustless Quiche.  I made it Sunday night and I've been reheating a slice every morning.

Everything is better with bacon.

Lunches have been salads with a ton of protein.  This was Monday's salad and the carrots, peppers and tomatoes contributed to my too many carbs.   Also, who would have thought roast beef would have carbs??? Live and learn.  Yesterday I had turkey, bacon, lettuce, avocado and ranch and the carb count was much lower and it tasted even better.

Dinner the past 2 nights (because this made a lot and I didn't want to be tempted by the kids' tacos yesterday) was Low Carb Meatballs Parmesan.  I can't even begin to tell you how good this was.  Probably my new favorite meatball recipe.  I served mine with zoodles and the rest of the family had pasta.


For a snack Monday night, I went with cheese and pepperoni.  I need to find some better snacks because even though they say the fat count shouldn't matter, this was TOO MUCH. It was delicious though.  I'd forgotten how yummy cold pepperoni can be.


I think the hardest thing so far has been cravings for tortilla chips.  They are truly my Kryptonite.    On the plus side, I have already lost the 2.8 pounds I gained from my race and weekend carb fest, so my weight is back to where it was last Wednesday.

Do you have any favorite, low carb snacks?

2015 5/3 River Bank Run 25k

Saturday marked my 3rd running of the 5/3 River Bank Run 25k.  For those in West Michigan, this is THE spring race event and is the 25k national championship race.  This year, those uber fast folks could also attempt to make the half marathon Olympic Trials as part of the race.  I'm not sure how many attempted it, but what a cool opportunity for the elites.

I haven't been super healthy from a running standpoint and for the past couple weeks, I've been barely getting through my long runs and my weekly shorter runs have been more walks than anything else.  To say I had very low expectations for this race would be an understatement.  I was even debating whether to even show up Saturday morning but because I ran the Gazelle Girl Half a few weeks ago and paid all sorts of money to run this one (and get the Double Down medal), I knew I would at least make it to the start.  My goal was just one foot in front of the other until the finish line, no matter how long it took.

Not feeling confident about my ability to run, I set up Runmeter to intervals (2:30 run/:30 walk).  I wasn't using my Garmin for this race either because I haven't been timing my runs and it would have only stressed me out.

Saturday morning's weather was crappy as per RBR usual.  Some years it's freezing, others are roasting, most of the time it's raining.  Yesterday was humidity, warmth (mid-60s), and rain.  Lots and lots of rain.  I woke up at 4am to the downpour. Because this race is only about 15 minutes from my house, I figured I'd get downtown in plenty of time to park and get to the start.  Sadly, got a little bit of a late start but it ended up working out ok.  Our church is only a few blocks from the start and we were able to park there and wait inside where it was warm and dry.  We even watched a bunch of the 5k and 10k runners go by.


I wandered down to the start about 20 minutes before the gun and found a few friends in the crowd.  The crowd was significantly smaller than in previous years and I'd love to see how many DNS's there were because of the weather.  I had started my playlist before I walked down from church and tucked my phone into two ziplock bags in my fuelbelt.  The gun went off and I took off running with the 11 m/m mile pace group just a little bit ahead of me.

My achilles was squaking at me but it wasn't horrible so I just kept running nice and easy, with walks just to grab water at the aid stations about every 1.5 miles.  I made it through the little downtown area and into the trail system feeling pretty good.  It was around 3 or 4 miles in that my friend Tim tapped me on the shoulder and said "hi".  He and our friend Joe were right behind me.  I played rabbit for them until just after mile 8 when I ducked into a bathroom.  I was clearly well hydrated.

I hit the 1/2 way mark still feeling pretty good.  Much better than expected. I actually felt the strongest through the hills on Butterworth.  My playlist was outstanding and in this section I was singing outloud to Uptown Funk, Pour Some Sugar on Me, and Dear Future Husband.  The people around me were quite entertained.

Just after mile 11 or so I came across Lake Butterworth.  (Thank you to Pete for posting a picture and letting me steal it.) I had to laugh out loud as lines of runners went through mud and a giant briar patch to get around the massive puddle.  People who went through it said it was up to about mid-calf.  I debated for a few seconds about just running through since my feet were soaked anyway, but I decided to go around and ended up with mud soaking through my Newtons.  I needed new shoes anyway.


We came out of the hills and back into town around mile 12 and I still couldn't believe how good I felt.  I was getting tired but other than those water station walks and my mud trek, I'd been running the whole thing.

Then the wheels fell off.  Somewhere around mile 12.5 my legs just said NOPE and started cramping up.  My stomach started hurting and I felt like even when I was running that I wasn't moving.  I realized I hadn't taken any gels since mile 8 so I took another around the 13 mile mark.  I made it to the half marathon mat and then started paying attention to the intervals that had been talking to me the whole race.  I was pretty sure my unspoken sub-3 hour goal was gone at this point and I just wanted to get to the end.

from Wood TV via my daughter - I'm *almost* famous!

For the last 2.5 miles of the race, all I wanted to do was stop running but I made myself run those dang 2 1/2 minute intervals, even if the run wasn't much faster than the walks.  On Lake Michigan Drive, I was my friend, Tammie, cheering and I went over to get a much needed hug.  I think I told her I felt like shit and she said I looked better than shit so to keep running.  I wanted to run the last mile but even in that section I did my walks because mentally and physically I was done.  The last 1/4 mile or so is up a hill that feels like it's straight up but it really isn't.  My legs were toast but I ran that last section with all I had and even managed to chick a couple guys.  Go me!

I crossed the finish line and the clock read 3:06 something, so I was pretty sure I was over 3 hours. I didn't really care but I sorta did.  My legs were one giant pile of cramp and I was having a hard time walking and I was crying.  Interestingly, my sports med doc was working the finish line and he came over to me and put his arm around me.  I know he was just doing his job and making sure I wasn't going to fall over, but it was so nice to see a familiar face. We walked with him holding me up for a little bit until I said I was ok and he gave me a big hug.  I somehow made it the rest of the way through the finish shoot.

I was so happy to get those 2 medals.  I sat down on the steps of Calder Plaza and somehow my friends found me there.  Good thing.  I'd have never gotten back up without their help.

I LOVE the medal this year and getting the Double Down for also running Gazelle Girl was a great touch.  This is the first year (outside of the 35th Anniversary race that I spectated in my boot) that the RBR has had a new medal design.  It's beautiful!  The Gazelle one says Finish2 for Finished Squared and the logos for both races are on the back.

When I realized I could scan my bib to get my official results, I think I SQUEEE'd out loud in the car when I saw I just eeked out a sub-3 hour finish!  For running one of my worst races as far as pace goes, I'm happy with this one.  I fought for that finish starting about 2 weeks ago right up until I crossed that finish line.

Will I run the 25k here again?  I really don't know.  I think I need a serious running break from distance runs and even a break from running in general.  I hated the shirt this year.  I wore it for a couple hours after the race and it will probably never see the light of day again - it's WAY too big and even though I paid extra for a tech shirt, there were no exchanges for tech. So annoying.  The weather is always iffy for this one but at least I earned a little Michigan runner girl cred back for running in the soup after hardly running outside all winter long.  I figure I have until next January or so before I have to decide.