True Confessions: Have I Blown It?

This is a hard confession for me to write.  I feel like all my hard work getting to a healthy weight has gone completely out the window.  I haven't posted a weight here in many many months (the last I could see was mid-July and I was well within my weight range of 135-138).  Not anymore.  Today I weighed in and saw 145 on the scale.  That's the heaviest I've been in 2011, a good 10 pounds above my lowest weight, and probably the heaviest since Aug 2010 when I finally got below 140 (a number I said I'd never see again and here I am 5 pounds above that).

I did a great job maintaining my weight loss for the better part of a year.  WTF happened?  I'll tell you what happened.  I trained for and ran a marathon.  Then...I've continued eating for the past 6 weeks like I was STILL training for a marathon.  I've eaten crap (hello - yesterday alone I had 2 donuts, went to McD's for lunch, and had an uber-high-calorie Starbucks - my guess? over 4000 calories yesterday).  I've been boozing with my friends a lot lately (dude - beer has a ton of calories, just so you know).  But you know what?  Unless you're running 25-30 miles a week, that really isn't a good idea.  Hell, it isn't a good idea PERIOD to eat and drink like that.

This shit has to stop.  NOW.  I am so pissed and disgusted with myself.  I not only feel fat, I look fat.  I can see the 10 pounds I've gained.  I changed shirts today so I am now wearing one that covers my stomach more.  (The weird thing? I went out dancing with a girlfriend 2 weekends ago in a short skirt and boots and the shirt I changed out of this morning.  I felt great about how I looked, even though I probably didn't look any smaller than I do today- this I cannot explain.)  In any case, overall, my clothes are tight (guess I shouldn't have gotten rid of all those fat pants, huh?).  10 pounds on a sub 5'3" body is A LOT of weight.

This morning, I started tracking again.  I re-downloaded the Livestrong Daily Plate app that I used before.  I measured the creamer in my Drink Click this morning (speaking of - today is the last day to enter my giveaway - I'm picking a winner at 8:00 tonight).

My plan:

• continue to track calories in/calories out at least through the end of the year
• no more eating after 8:00 pm
• at least one strength training session a week, preferably I should be getting in 2-3 sessions, but I'm trying to be realistic
• at least 64 oz of water every day
• Cut out the booze

Back to basics I go.  I just know how hard it was for me to lose these 10 pounds before, so I'm angry at myself to have to do it all over again.  All I know is this trend cannot continue.